| When I was a young manager, I hated the thought of giving negative feedback to my team. “What if it doesn’t go well?” I’d ask myself. “What if they completely miss the point? Or, worse yet, what if they get upset?” Those were valid concerns, because most leaders and managers use one of the following methods: The (rotten) sandwich method (praise, negative feedback, praise) Super direct and don’t care how the feedback is received Too subtle OR wordy so the point of the feedback is lost Because of this (and other reasons we’ll talk about next week), people HATE getting critical feedback. But there’s a much better way. A way to transform your feedback from harmful, helpful. From critical, to constructive. Start giving feedback like this (4-step framework) Here’s a 4-step framework for giving emotionally intelligent feedback: 1. Praise regularly. Last week we spoke about the value of sincere and specific praise. Here’s another reason to do this: If you get in the habit of pointing out the good others are doing, they’ll be more willing to listen when you point out areas for improvement. So, if you see something good, say something good. 2. Give the other person a chance to speak. Ask questions like: How do you feel about [this situation, how things are going, etc.]? What are your challenges? What’s hard for you? Anything you would do differently? Questions like these help you build empathy and connection. 3. Acknowledge, empathize, ask for permission. Before giving any tips for improvement, share a struggle you’ve had in the past, and how someone else’s feedback helped you improve. Then, ask for permission to share something that may help them, too. Not only does this connect the two of you, it gives them a measure of control and stops the feeling of being “attacked.” 4. Thank the other person for listening. A simple “thanks for letting me share this” or “hope you find this helpful” goes a long way. In most cases, the person will thank you back. Learning to give emotionally intelligent feedback completely changes how others see you. You’re not the clueless colleague, or the boss who just doesn’t get it. You’re not the spouse or parent who’s impossible to please. You’re the one who’s got their back. The one who wants to make them better. And there’s nothing more constructive than that. |
Talk soon,
Justin
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